I know you are not just sitting idly by watching your marriage go down the drain.
You are killing yourself trying to be as caring, supportive and helpful as you can to your husband (not to mention your kids)
You’ve tried everything!
You’ve tried speaking calmly
You’ve tried being nice and sweet
You’ve tried forcing yourself to get over it
Eventually you cracked and all the rage and disappointment poured out because you were so frustrated and did not know what else to do. And that only made things worse.
But you keep trying to talk to him because you know what they say…
“Communication is everything.”
You’ve heard it over and over again. You were just doing your part!
You wanted him to understand how important it is that he pay attention.
You’ve wished and hoped that he would notice the sacrifices you are making and finally appreciate you for the amazing partner, mom and woman that you are.
You thought maybe we need couples therapy.
But he acts like he’d rather cut off a limb than speak to a counsellor.
He trots out time honoured evasive maneuvers:
“It’s too expensive”
“It won’t work anyway”
“I’m not telling a stranger our personal business”
“He is probably some hack who just wants to take our money.”
“She’s just going to take your side!”
“What does he know that I don’t?”
And the piece de resistance:
“Nothing’s wrong with me!”
No matter what you tried. He didn’t seem to get it.
You are not asking for the Moon!
Just a little appreciation for all that you do.
Just a little communication to stay connected.
Just a little quality time and attention to feel heard.
Just a little affection to feel desired and seen.
Just a little help around the house to feel less alone.
Just a little respect to feel like your voice matters too.
Just a little effort to show he cares.
You just want the happy, helpful, affectionate man that you married to come back!
Is that too much to ask?
No, it is not.
You are trying so hard but it never seems good enough
It is totally reasonable to want those things and I am here to tell you you can have all of that and more.
You are not some spoiled princess who wants the man to worship the ground she walks on.
You are not too much, too emotional or too needy.
You are a woman with legitimate emotional needs.
But you are at your wits end and don’t know if you can take another day carrying the relationship on your back and enduring one more.
rude comment
long tearfilled night
failed attempt to speak your truth blowing up in your face
emotional hangover draining you of all joy and hope in life
It is totally reasonable to want those things and I am here to tell you you can have all of that and more.
It ain't easy being in your shoes.
The kids take up every ounce of your patience, energy and time.
The house, the food, the schedule, the appointments have you spinning like a top
Not to mention working hard to help pay the bills
Most days you do not have one moment to yourself
You are working so hard to be everything to everyone and you are drowning.
I am going to tell you from experience,
That life is not sustainable.
But here is the good news!
A good man, (and you know he is a good man) would love to provide that for you.
He would love to be the man who helps you feel seen, heard, loved and respected.
He would love to lighten your load and be your hero.
He would love to be an indispensable man in your life.
Even if he seems resistant to all of that right now, it is only because he feels like he can’t win with you.
And this is what I will show you in my
Real Love Method.
I’ll walk you through simple steps that will show you how to bring out the best in your man so that he feels motivated to support you in every way he can, because he just loves to see you smile. I know that communication feels impossible right now and that he turns everything into a fight. If you want to know why getting what you need seems so damn complicated.
I’ve got you.
FAQ’S
I feel like I am too busy to do this stuff. How much time will it take?
This program is designed for the maxed out Mama. Aside from the one hour per week you will need to carve out for yourself, there are not a lot of other time requirements. There is some journaling that will be really helpful. But a lot of the work you get to do will be part of your everyday life. Because we both know that someone is going to piss you off just about every day. That is where our work begins.
I think my husband is a narcissist. Will it work in that case too?
I hate to break it to you but labeling men as narcissists has reached epidemic proportions. Men are by nature sensitive to criticism and have difficulty hearing other people’s feelings without fixing them or dismissing them. That doesn’t mean it’s ok or you should put up with it. But if your man behaves that way it does not make him a diagnosable narcissist. It makes him a garden variety man with a sensitive ego. This is not a problem for me. It is exactly what I would expect to see. If you still have your doubts I am happy to hop on a call with you and answer all your questions so you feel confident that working with me will work for you!
In the case that he is a certifiable emotional abuser, this work can be effective, but it’s dicey. The problem is that abusers will not take kindly to the boundaries I will be teaching you to set and I don’t want to put anyone in a dangerous situation. I recommend you read “Why does he do that?” by Lundy Bancroft if you feel beaten down and like nothing you do is ever right. This book will clear up for you if you have normal marriage problems (this I can help you fix) or more challenging abuse and control issues which are much thornier.
Why is it always women who have to learn and change to make a relationship work?
Women don’t have to do anything they don’t want to do. But it turns out women are more aware of the problems in their marriages and more willing to ask for help! 83% of self-help books are read by women. Those are the cold hard facts. You don’t have to do this work. But don’t be surprised if your man doesn’t either. This is where you get to decide how much power you want to have in your life. Doing this work will make you more powerful. I can guarantee that.
It seems too good to be true. What’s the catch?
I know it sounds crazy. Like if this was so simple why isn’t everyone doing it? That’s what I thought too when I discovered this stuff. I will tell you why. Because it’s not something that comes naturally to anyone. Because we have to pick ourselves up and take responsibility for our own happiness, anger, sadness and resentment and it’s a lot easier to throw blame around. Because it means we get to try something really different, and that can be scary. But the most common reason is because most people would rather be right than happy.
I need to know if this is possible for my marriage…
I teach women how to write their own Real Life Love Story, without their husband’s awareness or buy in.
Most of my clients don’t ever tell their husbands what we discuss together.
I encourage this, because it creates a real life experiment that proves to them how much power they have in their marriage.
How much change they can create without engaging in long difficult conversations constantly.
I show women how to turn their sad, lonely marriage into a happy, connected marriage even when he doesn’t believe there is any problem at all.
I show them how they can let their husband off the hook for “talking about it” without letting him off the hook for being a better husband.
Introducing:
Love Story Program
The program for smart, kind, caring women who want to finally get off the emotional roller coaster of a looks-good-on-paper marriage and actually have the real deal.
A marriage that feels so good on the inside that they cannot imagine ever wanting to escape it.
A marriage that is easy to love.
When you enroll, you will begin a journey that will give you the capacity to...
Connect with your husband on a whole new level
Handle conflict with ease and grace
Live your own unique Love Story in the midst of your nitty-gritty, real-deal life.
And a whole lot more.
But don’t just take my word for it. Here’s what my client’s have to say:
Testimonials:
- T (Florida)
Shiloh is wonderful, she is easy to talk to and makes you feel comfortable enough to share your fears and wants. She is intelligent and understands how the male and female minds work and how they can work together. She is a miracle worker in relationships and super sweet!
- R (Texas)
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!! You have changed my life! I was living in this endless never-ending spiral of uncontrollable emotions. Now I can control the ride.
- S (Canada)
Honestly, Shiloh you saved me in so many ways. You taught me to see things from very different perspectives, appreciate what I have, communicate effectively with those I love and to want more. What more could a girl want? You have made such a positively profound change in my life that I am eternally grateful for.
-J (Washington)
I learned how to be more comfortable with myself. It still feels like a miracle and I can't quite explain how that happened. I think I'm still in a bit of disbelief that it feels so authentic and not fake and icky.
-C (Utah)
Honestly, some of your gifts and talents are intangibles that need to be experienced during coaching. Your ability to pick up on threads of conversation and hone in to the root issue is, like, devastatingly good.
-R (Georgia)
Working with Shiloh is one of the best gifts you could ever give yourself and your marriage. I started Loved for Life thinking about divorce and after 8 short weeks nothing could be further from my mind. Shiloh has a gift for seeing exactly what is needed to shift the dynamic of a marriage. What she delivers is of far more value than the investment. After all, what price do you put on saving your marriage?
Take a peek at what we’ll do together
Love Story Program: breakdown
So how does this all work you ask?
How can I possibly work only with you, without your husband’s buy in, cooperation or even awareness of what you are doing, and still show you how to turn your tragic love story into your real life happy ever after?
These are the 4 Pillars of Loved for Life
You are #1
This is the foundation of all the other work we will do together. I help you discover:
How to make time for yourself and give up people pleasing without causing drama
Where you saying ‘yes’ when you mean ‘no’ so you can stop it and get out of the resentment building cycle
Where are you working too hard and not taking care of yourself so you can enjoy greater physical well-being
What kind of self-talk you engage in so you can create a mindset that will support the creation of your better marriage
How can you care for your emotional needs so that you know what to do when you feel that punch-in-the-gut, lonely, alone and helpless feeling, so that you can move through it in no time.
Your Man Is Not Like You
This is where we spend some time helping you understand why your man is so damn defensive and irritable and what you can do about it! You will learn:
What a man needs to be happy so you can love him in ways that matter to him
Why the man will not fight fair so you can have the wisdom to flip the script
What to do if he treats you poorly so you never have to shut-up and put-up
How to inspire him to be the man you married again so you can finally live the sweet love story you had imagined
Powerful Communication
Effective communication in marriage does not have to be what you think it should be. This free flowing back and forth of emotions and desires. You can have really good communication, even though he doesn’t really know how to listen or express himself very well. You will learn:
How to communicate so he can hear you, and want to please you.
How to express your needs without him shutting down or getting defensive
How to create a context where he feels safe enough to express himself
How to listen in a way that will make him fall deeper in love with you
Giving Love Freely
You may feel like you give A LOT of love already, and I have no doubt you do. But you may also find yourself calculating all the ways you are giving more than your husband and stacking up resentments because he is not reciprocating the way you would like him to. In this pillar you will learn:
The difference between giving love freely and giving to get.
How to give love that your husband needs instead of what feels natural to you
How to let go of his work, so you are never his mother or his therapist
How to create emotional safety within yourself, so you can have an emotionally safe marriage.
How do I know if this program is for me?
Who this is for:
Smart, kind, caring women who are sick and tired of the emotional-rollercoaster
Women who know deep down that their husband is a very good man
Women who are willing to try something new and different
Women who are not afraid of doing the inner work
Women who want more than a looks-good-on-paper marriage
Women who believe that love can last a lifetime
Women who want to model healthy relationships for their children
Who this is not for:
Women who are hell bent on molding their husband into the perfect girlfriend
Women who are married to men who are serial cheaters
Women who are truly afraid of their husbands.
Women who have experienced abuse in their marriage
Women who are focused on proving their husband’s wrong instead of getting what they truly desire
Women who are not willing to do the inner work or take responsibility for their part
Women who would rather be right than happy
“But what if this doesn’t work for me?”
“What if my situation is different?”
“What if this misery is just what I am stuck with?”
Try it out Risk-Free:
If you are the type who needs to dip their toe in the pool I’ve got an offer for you.
I will give you a FREE one hour consultation where I promise to answer all your questions and provide you with some guidance to give you some quick wins, peace and clarity about your marriage.
If you still don’t feel like you are ready to figure this marriage thing out once and for all. No hard feelings. Drop me a note and we hash it all out together:
What about the logistics?
I keep it really simple.
I will meet with you thought zoom at the time of our scheduled sessions.
I will provide your notes and journal prompts by email using google docs.
You are welcome to email me with your questions at any time throughout the 3 Months.
You will have the ability to send voice or text messages whenever you hit a snag. You’ll have me right there in your pocket.
I do everything I can to work with your schedule. I know that you have a full life!
How do I know this works?
How do I know? Because I have been there. I thought I had marriage all figured out (of course I was still single). I had read all the big important books. I had interrogated all my friends and family on what made their marriages succeed or fail. I had gone to therapy to deal with childhood wounds. I had created a happy and vibrant single life. I had held out for a man who I was absolutely sure was the ONE.
And yet, it wasn’t long after I was married that things started going downhill.
I felt like my emotional needs were not being met. I felt like my husband didn’t care that I was exhausted and drowning in housework/mom duties 24/7. I felt like he was shutting me out. I felt like he was suddenly disinterested and distant.
And I had no idea why!
I felt angry, frustrated and desperate.
And then we had kids…and Sh*t got REAL
I was elated to finally be a mother! But the burden of sleepless nights with a spirited toddler on my hip a baby at my breast pushed me to my breaking point.
Now I want to be clear, I had (have) an amazing husband. I knew he was a good man. I knew I was lucky to be with someone so loyal, honest and hard working. I even felt kind of guilty for my sadness. I knew loads of women would kill for what I had. I felt like I was moaning about ‘first world problems.’
But I just couldn’t take being lonely while married. This to me was a fate worse than death. (So I am a tiny bit dramatic about love.) This was not the love story I had imagined and I was not willing to let our story hit a dead end. Some days were just cold and snippy with comments made in a curt and dismissive tone. I found myself thinking, “Perfect strangers treat me better than that!”
Some days were big and nasty with late night arguments that inevitably ended in my complete meltdown. The emotional hangovers were too much to bear.
I. Was. Exhausted.
I had read all the books
I had tried all the activities
I had written letters
I had complained and explained
I had tried every mode of communication I could imagine.
Suddenly it hit me.
I needed help.
So I reached out and got some human support. Not another book. Not another article. Not another podcast. And what I learned is that I am in charge of my own happiness.
That my misguided attempts to get my needs met were actually pushing my husband further and further away. That even though I thought I was doing everything right! I really had no idea what I was doing. And the amazing thing is that once I learned how to take care of myself first how to make myself happy no matter what he did he got a lot happier!
Once I learned how to communicate in a way that he could actually hear he got a lot sweeter.
Once I stopped doing all the working and pleasing and figuring out he got a lot more helpful.
He showed up even more loving and affectionate than he had in the beginning. And now I look back all those dramatic nights filled with tears just seem like just a bad dream. And I am so glad that is not my story anymore.
Now I don’t obsess over my marriage and constantly need to ‘work’ on it. I don’t strategize ways to make my husband ‘get on board’. I don’t worry about if he really loves me or if one day everything will fall apart.
I am relaxed and happy and free!
And the best part is there is no doubt in my mind that choosing my husband was the absolute best decision in my life. I have a Real Life Love Story that I am absolutely elated to share with anyone who will listen!
There’s no shame in having some struggles. What’s more inspiring than a comeback story!?
You’re in the trenches right now and you don’t have time or energy to troll the internet for answers. I have done all the trial-and-error and heavy lifting for you. I am just dying to gather you under my wing and guide you through to the other side. Your story does not have to end like this.
Because once you come out into the sunshine… All that pain and drama will seem a little bit like a bad dream.
I don’t even know how to describe what that kind of peace and security feels like.
But that is exactly what I want for you.
And that is why I created my program Loved for Life. I wanted to help good, loving, women like you get the love, affection and partnership that they signed up for when they said I do. I wanted to show them that their husband didn’t need to read the books, go to therapy or even agree that there is a problem for them to single handedly turn the whole thing around.
I help women who love their husbands but kind of hate them too. I show them how to save their marriage and their sanity so that they can take charge of their lives so they can write their own Real-Life Love Story.
So they can create that enduring love affair that not only benefits themselves but also their children and beyond. Because what is more important than having a happy, healthy marriage? It’s the best foundation for raising happy, resilient children. It makes every challenge lighter and every joy shared. And it even provides the secure base for you to find the energy and confidence to pursue your own personal passions.
Because we both know it’s not all about you.
Still not sure?
Let’s have a chat and address all your concerns. No pressure, no hard sell. I promise.