Hey there, I’m Shiloh
I know what it’s like to feel like your marriage has hit a dead end. You love your husband, you’ve got great kids, but you are miserable.
You wonder if your marriage is ‘normal’ or if your expectations are unreasonable.
You wonder why it's so difficult to voice your feelings and why he gets offended so easily.
You wonder how the hell you ended up in this mess. You are a thoughtful, caring, practical kind of woman, where did you go wrong?
And deep down you are scared to death that this is the story of your life. Sad, lonely, unappreciated, and stuck.
You’ve done everything you can think of to get your husband to give you more love, support and affection. You’ve cooked his favourite meals, cleaned more, done more elaborate activities and outings with the kids and above all been kinder, sweeter, and more polite. And nothing worked.
Instead it led to a cold-war. A complete loss of your voice. And uncertainty about what it is you even want, and if you have any business wanting it.
My Story
I remember when I was drowning in motherhood and I felt exhausted and ignored. Like my needs were on the bottom of everyone’s list. Like I was pouring myself into the family and getting nothing back in return. I was giving and giving because I thought that’s what made marriages work. My reward was a chilly distance. I felt helpless to get his attention. And to be honest, I was angry. Thinking “This is not what I signed up for…” I wanted to have a beautiful love story. Not just one that was ‘good enough’ because I was ‘lucky’ that my husband was consistently employed and totally faithful. I wanted a fun, happy, warm marriage I dreamed of when I chose him as my one and only. I waited until my 30s to find just the right man, one who I was sure could stand the test of time. And although I am a huge believer in commitment until ‘death do us part’ I knew I could not sustain the loneliness I felt for the next 50 years or so and that scared me. I had to dig deeper for a solution.
One day I woke up and realized I was burnt-out. I was walking on eggshells. I was hating everyone and everything, including myself. I had lost Shiloh. I was dreading each day, fantasizing of escape on exotic holidays with my girlfriends. That’s when I knew that something had to change. This was not me. I needed help. And as always the right people showed up at just the right time. Just like that saying goes: “The teacher appears when the student is ready.”
A new world was opened to me. I kept asking myself “Why did no one tell me this before!?” Even though I have been reading about human psychology, love and relationships since I was a teenager I was never given advice that worked. It was so generic. It assumed that both people were consciously working on it together. There are lots of people who will say, do more, give more, be kinder, sweeter. The Golden Rule and all that. It doesn’t work. I could line up a million women to attest to that fact.
If you are not able to effectively set boundaries, put yourself first and understand how men think, act and feel… being nice and giving more is only going to make things worse for you. And I don’t know any man who loves to sit down for a good old chat about the status of the relationship. That’s not how it is when your marriage is in crisis. I studied everything I could get my hands on. And then I made the leap and took 100% responsibility for my own happiness. The rest is history. It wasn’t always easy to choose a new way of responding to my anger, sadness and disappointment. I was afraid that if I took on 100% responsibility for my own happiness then I would be carrying the marriage solo, that I was letting him off the hook. I thought “This is some BS. Now I’ve got to be his Therapist too!?” But that is NOT at all how this works. You get to quietly quit your job as his maid, mother or therapist. Contrary to popular belief, that’s not what keeps love alive.
After not too long I started waking up looking forward to my day. I saw the sparkle in my husband's eyes again. He was looking at me, he was smiling, and he wasn’t so grumpy and negative anymore. Perhaps it wasn’t all his fault after all?
But I was worried.
I thought that if I made my happiness my own responsibility then I would never get the love and affection I was craving. Fortunately, I had it completely backwards. When I made myself happy, set healthy boundaries and stopped giving-to-get my husband's whole attitude shifted immediately.
Good men really do want to make us happy!
I started to understand how his mind worked and stopped taking everything so personally. Suddenly marriage wasn’t so much work anymore. It became fun and easy. I stopped waiting for him to validate me and started loving and accepting myself even with my messy house, messy-bun, Mom clothes and inability to produce the domestic paradise I had made myself responsible for. My every day is a lot less glamorous than the pretty pictures I created to share with you.
And little by little the connection blossomed. It was like old times. We stayed up late talking. He helped more around the house. He kept my needs top of mind and made reference to my requests without reminders. I didn’t need to nag anymore and it felt amazing. My marriage felt so good down to my toes that I didn’t care about the flashy stuff that people post on Instagram. I was creating a Real-Life Love Story unique to my own sweet/crazy family. I stopped comparing my great love to perfectly crafted Facebook posts and RomComs. Seriously, we know both of those things are pure fantasy.
Pretty soon I thought “I have got to share this with other women!”
Doing the work independently, without getting his buy-in or cooperation at all may seem lonely and frustrating at first but my clients will all tell you it’s actually quite liberating. You will experience the truth that you do not need to ask permission to have the real-life love story you dreamed of.
Who are these women who come to me for guidance?
SMART
They are all smart, hard working, lovely women who from the outside seem to have it all. But they know the real story and it ain’t pretty. These women often wonder if they should just ‘let it go’ and accept their fate. But try as they might, they just feel sadder and angrier. After working with me 1 on 1 in my signature program they wake up to a happy, peaceful, loving marriage. They have picked up a pen and turned their stalled marriage into a true life love story.
Lovely
They are calling me up and saying “He bought me the gift I had been wanting for forever!” “He built me my own office!” “He sends me sweet texts all day.” “He calls me BABE now.” “He brags about me to his Mom.” “He had one foot out the door but now he is talking about buying a new house together and is so flirty and affectionate.”
Hard Working
How do you know if it will work for you? Well, I did it with 2 boys under 4 years old. I was tired of people telling me “It’s just a season.” What, so I’m supposed to just mail in 4-6 years of my life and hope things magically get better later? No thank you very much!
So if you are a practical-romantic like me, you’ve come to the right place. This is where we talk real-life: crazy schedules, instant pots, yoga with kids on your head, dust bunnies, no grandma-on-call life and fill it up with joy, peace and love. Where we get to have the gooey warm-fuzzies with your one and only right in the middle of the dinner rush.
These ladies are smart, practical, well traveled women with huge huge hearts. But that did not solve their marriage problems for them! Yet after only 2 months with me they are living the dream and eager to spread the message.
But let my delightfully sweet, courageous and smart clients (who I adore) tell you what I mean.
Let’s Journey Together
Everything you need to know is out there somewhere, but I’m guessing you don’t have the time and energy to track it all down. And honestly, information alone is not what you need. You already know that communication and date nights are important. Does that make it any easier to make them happen? I don’t think so.
You need someone to come alongside you and help you put all your cards out on the table.
Someone you can spill the beans to without worrying it will come back and bite you in the rear.
Someone who has been there herself and is a seasoned mother and wife.
Someone who knows that Real-Life Love is not like the movies and will not give you some impossible-to-follow advice that just does not work for your unique situation.
You need someone who sees how hard you are trying and can give you the tools and support you need so you can work smarter and not harder.
And that’s exactly what I am here to do. It is my great pleasure to hold your hand as you create your very own real-life love story.
One more thing. Don’t worry if your story is a bit complicated. There will be no judgement here. I promise you. For most of us, this is not our first rodeo.
You chose your husband carefully, you’ve been through some stuff. You don’t want to go down that road again. I can help you break the pattern and make this one, the last one. It doesn’t matter how bad it’s gotten. Everyone loves a comeback story. It makes victory that much sweeter.
If you are ready to make some changes in your marriage I would love to hear from you. Let me know what resonated with you and what your biggest need is. I will respond personally!
You’re still here? Awesome!!
You’re probably a little bit nosey and curious like me.
I don’t mind.
So what’s my real-life love story?
My marriage is genuinely happy, fun and passionate. Is it roses every day? Hell no. That wouldn’t be real life. But we are a team. We feel grateful to have each other. We flirt. We laugh. Being together makes the hard times easier and the good times sweeter. My husband is bragging about me to his boss and looking at me like I’m a Queen. And it does not mean I am walking around the house looking like a movie star. This is your every-day, messy-bun, 24/7 pee-cleaning boymom kind of life. But when the connection is real, you don’t need a lot of bells and whistles to keep the homefires burning. That’s what I call my Real-Life Love Story. And that is exactly what I want for you.
Still curious about who I really am?
I am down to earth, practical-romantic, and I believe in the beauty of real love that lasts for a lifetime. If you spied into my home in the woods in rural Nova Scotia, Canada you may find me having a sweat in the sauna my husband built on the lake (followed by an icy plunge). Digging in the vegetable garden. Squeezing in some Sun Salutations with children as props, having a family dance party to 80s hits “I wanna dance with somebody..” or cooking a giant vat of chilli in my instant pot so I’m not stuck in front of the stove every night of the week. Leftovers for-the-win.
If you want to learn more about how you can become the heroine of your own Real-Life Love Story you can start by checking out my guide “How to fix your marriage without losing yourself in the process.”
Welcome to my home. Please drop by anytime.
Much love,